1
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:03,204
So, to be clear,

2
00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:06,340
you want delivery
from this diner?

3
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:07,741
Yes, I do know
what delivery means.

4
00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:10,378
Do you know what
E. coli means?

5
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:12,646
Where do you live?

6
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:14,048
If he eats from here,

7
00:00:14,082 --> 00:00:16,684
in his bathroom
in about an hour.

8
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:18,819
Will you be needing napkins?
Utensils?

9
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,488
The number for
Poison Control?

10
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:22,723
Well, good luck.

11
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,425
The delivery boy
is on his way.

12
00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:27,428
Oh, this is good.

13
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,198
I need the exercise.

14
00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:32,300
I feel like I'm getting
a little chubby!

15
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:33,534
Oh, I know.

16
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:34,802
I can see it
through those shorts.

17
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:40,174
I was a delivery boy
in Vietnam.

18
00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:42,476
I mostly delivered
bad news, like,

19
00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:44,478
"That hooker was a dude."

20
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:49,617
Here's that tuna salad--
and hurry.

21
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:52,220
Like that astronaut
who drove across the country

22
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:54,622
in a diaper,
it's not gonna travel well.

23
00:00:57,125 --> 00:00:58,092
See you later, haters.

24
00:00:58,126 --> 00:00:59,293
And remember,

25
00:00:59,327 --> 00:01:00,628
Earl's in charge when I'm gone.

26
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:02,230
Earl's in charge?

27
00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:04,098
Okay.
I have a business degree.

28
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:06,400
He had all three types
of diabetes.

29
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:08,769
But I get it.

30
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:11,572
I'll be gone for...20.

31
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:12,773
[clears throat]

32
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,175
Speaking of 4:20,

33
00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:16,477
Max, you wanna go
smoke some weed?

34
00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:21,515
The man in charge
just sparked up a doobie.

35
00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:25,753
But I get it.

36
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,721
And I'm about to get it.

37
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:30,158
[car horn honks]

38
00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:31,359
[crash, glass shattering]

39
00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:33,694
Oh, no.
Am I in charge forever?

40
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,336
Who the hell parked a Rascal
in a bike lane?

41
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:45,706
Uh...that's my bad.

42
00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:48,676
It almost destroyed
my helmet!

43
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:52,513
I know.

44
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:53,847
I can see it
through those shorts.

45
00:01:57,585 --> 00:01:59,653
(Peter Bjorn and John)
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

46
00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:01,389
[cash register bell dings]

47
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:06,527
* Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

48
00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:13,634
And this
is the sprinkle station.

49
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,803
Last stop
on the cupcake train.

50
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:20,208
And this is the cash register,
where there'll be money someday.

51
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,177
And this is Max,

52
00:02:23,211 --> 00:02:25,446
the other half
of Max's Homemade Cupcakes.

53
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,781
Your little movie
is about to be rated R

54
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:30,651
for strong, brutal violence.

55
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:31,952
Stop filming me.

56
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:32,953
I'm not filming.

57
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,755
I'm Periscoping.

58
00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:37,691
Isn't periscoping when
you do mouth stuff on a guy

59
00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,627
while he keeps a lookout
for the cops?

60
00:02:44,732 --> 00:02:48,168
Not all sex has to involve
the threat of an arrest, Max.

61
00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,872
Periscope is a social media app

62
00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:54,475
that streams live videos
to your followers.

63
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,911
Tell everyone in Brooklyn
who loves food festivals

64
00:02:57,945 --> 00:03:00,348
that we'll be at the
Taste of Bushwick tomorrow.

65
00:03:00,381 --> 00:03:02,683
Or you can follow me into
the bathroom while I change,

66
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,785
and they can see
some bushwick right now.

67
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,890
Max, this is great PR.

68
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:11,325
That's "public relations,"

69
00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:12,493
not "Puerto Rican."

70
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:15,596
I know you were disappointed

71
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,298
when I took you
to that PR seminar

72
00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:18,766
and there were no cock fights.

73
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:23,737
I liked the Internet
when the only thing you could do

74
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:24,938
was look at cat pictures

75
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:28,276
and find out how old
John Stamos is.

76
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:30,411
He turned 53 in August!

77
00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:32,813
You know what's sad?

78
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,748
I'm too old to date him.

79
00:03:37,885 --> 00:03:40,288
If Periscope
is such great PR,

80
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,022
how many viewers
did you just have?

81
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,557
One.

82
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:47,428
But maybe it was
a really important one.

83
00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:50,864
Really loving your Periscope
presence, Caroline!

84
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,635
Okay. It's a small build.

85
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,339
I still maintain that
Periscoping will be great

86
00:03:58,372 --> 00:03:59,573
for our business.

87
00:03:59,607 --> 00:04:01,909
For the record,
I was filming my business

88
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:04,578
way before it was called
"Periscoping."

89
00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:07,548
Hi, everybody!

90
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,019
Oleg, I picked up
your dry cleaning,

91
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,587
and good news!

92
00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:15,956
They were able
to get the raspberry stains

93
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,625
out of your banana hammock!

94
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:20,828
Oh, Lord.

95
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:23,764
Now who's gonna
dry clean my mouth?

96
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:27,735
So you picked up my dry cleaning

97
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,770
instead of my cousin
from the airport?

98
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,572
Your cousin's in town?
That's weird.

99
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:34,508
I didn't get an alert
on my phone.

100
00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:36,810
Sophie,
how could you forget?

101
00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:39,380
This is why we started
doing sudoku.

102
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:40,881
I thought you
started doing sudoku

103
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,683
'cause she was hot
and willing.

104
00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:45,353
I got a lot on my mind.

105
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:47,555
I'm trying to design
our future baby.

106
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,357
See, girls,
I read this article

107
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:53,060
that says you can spin sperm
to get rid of the bad stuff.

108
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:55,563
So Oleg's not gonna
be the father?

109
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,366
It's true.

110
00:04:58,399 --> 00:04:59,733
There's a new technology

111
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:02,069
where you can select
the baby's genes.

112
00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:04,505
I miss selecting jeans.

113
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:06,374
Now I just reach
into the $3 bin

114
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:07,975
and hope for the best.

115
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:11,044
Well, I'm gonna spin that jazz

116
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:13,914
till I get a girl baby
with green eyes

117
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:16,717
and Jennifer Aniston's
second nose

118
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:20,354
and--and my butt!

119
00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:24,057
Why can't we get pregnant
the natural way?

120
00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:26,594
Up against a fence.

121
00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:27,961
Hello.

122
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,497
I'm Gortak.

123
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:30,931
You look familiar.

124
00:05:30,964 --> 00:05:34,568
Didn't you rib a dragon
on "Game of Thrones"?

125
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:37,070
Gortak!

126
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,472
There's my little cousin.

127
00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:39,740
Hi!

128
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:42,876
I think my iPhone case
is made out of gortak.

129
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,714
Hi, I'm Oleg's wife,
Sophie.

130
00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:50,418
And you're one tall drink
of yak's milk.

131
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:53,954
You know it, baby.

132
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:55,723
And he's taking that tall
right to the bank.

133
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,891
Gortak just signed
to play pro basketball.

134
00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,727
- [gasps]
- No way!

135
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,695
Basketball
is my favorite sport,

136
00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:04,498
next to bum wrestling!

137
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:06,400
I'm in town for a game
against Brooklyn.

138
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:07,668
Brooklyn's my team.

139
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:08,836
They stink.

140
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,605
Yeah, well,

141
00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:13,774
I relate to anybody
who's not doing that great.

142
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:14,975
Hey, I'm Max.

143
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:16,644
I used to shoot around
in juvi.

144
00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:20,113
We played arsonists
versus attempted murderers.

145
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:23,050
I did a lot
of ribbon dancing.

146
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:28,789
Caroline's kind of
the Screech of the group.

147
00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:33,060
And here comes
Mr. Belding.

148
00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:38,198
Max, it's almost your shift.

149
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,701
Why haven't you changed
into your uniform?

150
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,135
It's almost spring.

151
00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:44,404
Why haven't you changed
into a butterfly?

152
00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:47,775
Han, this is
my cousin Gortak.

153
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:48,976
Gortak, this is...

154
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,177
[speaking Russian]

155
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:51,579
Jackass boss.

156
00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:53,013
[speaking Russian]

157
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:54,181
Virgin.

158
00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:57,485
[speaking Russian]

159
00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,653
"Little People, Big World."

160
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:02,756
I didn't catch all of that,

161
00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:04,825
but I didn't love
what I caught.

162
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:07,194
Oleg,
do you and your Sophie

163
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:08,829
want to come to the game
tomorrow night?

164
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,030
I have two tickets.

165
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:11,231
Oh, perfect timing.

166
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,633
As of yesterday,
I'm allowed

167
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:16,036
to be within 50 feet
of cheerleaders.

168
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,237
Yeah, no.
You know what?

169
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:18,972
I'm sorry.
I'm out.

170
00:07:19,006 --> 00:07:22,142
You know, tonight I have to
genetically modify a person

171
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,111
while I watch "The Good Wife."

172
00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:27,180
Take me, Oleg!

173
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:30,518
Which is the only time
you will ever hear me say that.

174
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:31,985
Good idea, Max.

175
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:34,454
Sophie would be pissed
if I took a lady.

176
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,558
But, Max,
what about our plans?

177
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,527
I don't want to taste
Bushwick alone.

178
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,997
Then don't have
more than three drinks...

179
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:50,237
And don't get in the back
of anybody's Isuzu.

180
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:56,176
*

181
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:57,878
You're pretty dressed up.

182
00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,747
You know a food festival
is just code

183
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:02,049
for eating outside
next to garbage cans.

184
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:05,519
Maybe I should come.

185
00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:08,589
Well, I say,
"Dress for the job you want."

186
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,223
I would, but I don't know
what the people

187
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:13,160
who test out all the new
potato chip flavors wear.

188
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:14,562
[knock on door]

189
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:15,929
Cheeseburger Pringles?

190
00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:17,698
Yes.

191
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:20,901
Hey, girls!

192
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:23,070
Look at my baby board!

193
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,672
Yeah.

194
00:08:24,705 --> 00:08:26,206
I feel like we're finally
getting close

195
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,075
to something I can work with.

196
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,710
You know,
it really started to flow

197
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:32,512
once I threw away
the Anne Hathaway forehead.

198
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,985
That is the scariest thing
I've ever seen.

199
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,620
Oh, well, good thing
you didn't see it

200
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:41,689
with the Hathaway forehead.

201
00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:46,293
I love baby number two,
but I don't know.

202
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:48,929
Oleg still wants
to be surprised.

203
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,798
Why don't you give us all
a nice surprise

204
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:52,800
and brush his teeth
while he's sleeping?

205
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,635
[laughing]

206
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:55,836
Right?

207
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,037
Yes.

208
00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:58,839
Oh, right.
Here.

209
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,308
Max, Oleg can't go
to the game.

210
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:04,812
Our baby appointment
got changed to tomorrow,

211
00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:06,947
and we got to get working
on the baby body.

212
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:09,316
Oh, you know what?

213
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:11,018
That reminds me.

214
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,854
Max, do you have
a picture of your boobs?

215
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:16,256
Oh, you know what?

216
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,225
I'll get it from Oleg.

217
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:23,096
I can't believe
I have two tickets!

218
00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:24,297
Ooh, I'm gonna call Earl.

219
00:09:24,331 --> 00:09:26,667
It'd be fun to go with a friend.

220
00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:30,303
Would it hurt you to ask me
to go to the game?

221
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:31,939
You know I'm not gonna say yes.

222
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:33,140
Do you want to go to the game?

223
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,642
Yes!

224
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:37,978
Wow, that surprised me too.

225
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:41,314
These are VIP tickets
from an actual player.

226
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:42,916
This could be better
than Bushwick.

227
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,918
I mean, lots of celebrities
go to those games.

228
00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:46,119
[gasps]

229
00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:47,354
Ooh!
Where are the fliers?

230
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:49,056
I bet we could get
a lot of business there.

231
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,257
No!

232
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,792
We are not doing business!

233
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:53,160
Tonight
is supposed to be fun.

234
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:56,363
Well, I find business fun,
but okay.

235
00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:01,201
One day, you will
appreciate my ambition.

236
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:03,170
And one day,
I will try lettuce,

237
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,604
but not tonight.

238
00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:06,940
No fliers.

239
00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:08,141
No fliers.

240
00:10:08,175 --> 00:10:09,743
No fliers.

241
00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:11,912
I just think
this is a missed opportunity.

242
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:13,246
"Missed Opportunity"

243
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,749
was my stripper name
at the Salty Dog.

244
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,653
Look, I don't want
to work tonight.

245
00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:21,955
Which also happened
to be my catchphrase.

246
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:28,361
[crowd roaring]

247
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:31,364
[upbeat music]

248
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:32,966
*

249
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,135
These can't be
VIP seats.

250
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:37,671
I haven't been this winded
since I climbed

251
00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:40,373
the social ladder
at theater camp.

252
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:42,009
These seats are great!

253
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,677
I usually sit
in the parking lot

254
00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:46,213
around a trash fire,
singing doo-wop.

255
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:50,784
It's just, I've never sat
in the last row before.

256
00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:52,886
My father made sure
I was always in the front.

257
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,387
Broadway,
fashion week,

258
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,790
his criminal trial.

259
00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:58,325
My father got me
front-row seats

260
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:01,328
to the "Inability to Love"
awards.

261
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,697
I'll try and let this go,
but I'm just saying,

262
00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:05,265
we could have gone
to the Taste of Bushwick,

263
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:07,134
and we'd still
be closer to the court.

264
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:11,304
Oh, I love the taste
of Bushwick.

265
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,774
I don't care for it much.

266
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:17,745
Hi, I'm June,
and this is Dianne.

267
00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:21,081
We're sort of the "mayors"
of section Y.

268
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:22,282
Been to every game.

269
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:24,752
I'm Max.
This is Caroline.

270
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:26,386
You guys want a finger?

271
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,822
Oh, we're just friends.

272
00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:31,424
Do you want a finger?

273
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:32,960
Sure.

274
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:34,227
We'll take one
if you got an extra.

275
00:11:34,261 --> 00:11:35,428
And how 'bout
that hot dog?

276
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:36,396
You still working on that?

277
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:41,869
Max, you don't know
where that finger has been.

278
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:43,871
What do you mean?

279
00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:47,007
It's been in a box
in my car.

280
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,976
Yeah, Caroline.

281
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:52,245
This finger's been in her box
out in the car.

282
00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:54,447
What part of that
don't you get?

283
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:56,116
Careful.

284
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:59,052
That beer cost more than
I spent on underwear last year.

285
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:02,856
I don't like it up here.

286
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,392
I don't even like beer.

287
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:06,927
It's so bloaty.

288
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,462
Come on.
It's not that bad.

289
00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:10,998
Oh, really?

290
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:14,034
Then why is that guy
shaving?

291
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:17,037
Well, obviously, he's got
a very important job interview

292
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,439
as conductor
of the crazy train.

293
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:22,342
Max, our seats
are in a shanty town.

294
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,044
I think somebody tried
to sell me a hubcap

295
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,512
on the way up the stairs.

296
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:28,115
Ooh! How much?

297
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:29,817
Can I borrow
those binoculars,

298
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:32,219
so I can look at something
that's not this?

299
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,054
[buzzer blares]

300
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,255
Max!
Oh, my God!

301
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:37,424
Look at all the VIPs
down there.

302
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:39,759
Well, someone's "VI-peeing"
right over there.

303
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,062
Max, I want
to be down there.

304
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,797
Oh, I know what you need.

305
00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:45,365
Wanna finger?

306
00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:46,566
Look!

307
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,969
A rich couple
fighting courtside!

308
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:50,838
Oh, he's storming off!

309
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,305
She's storming off!

310
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:53,841
You should do
play-by-play

311
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:56,276
on the "I Don't Care"
network.

312
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:57,811
Come on!
Let's go steal their seats.

313
00:12:57,845 --> 00:12:58,879
What?

314
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:00,080
I like where I am.

315
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,281
My ears already popped.

316
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:02,582
We're settled here.

317
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,251
That's the difference
between us, Max.

318
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,452
I don't settle...

319
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:07,087
until I'm, like, 42,

320
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,189
and then I might have to
marry someone shorter than me.

321
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,524
I, on the other hand,
love settling.

322
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:15,328
My first words were,
"Eh, it's fine."

323
00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:16,529
Look, all we have to do

324
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,198
is make a few smart,
strategic moves,

325
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:19,466
and a better
opportunity awaits.

326
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:20,868
Please?

327
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,870
All right.
Sorry, ladies.

328
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,337
She wants me
to go down with her.

329
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:26,940
Just tell her
you got a headache.

330
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:31,278
*

331
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,946
[shoes squeaking]

332
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:36,950
Okay, just act like we belong
in the VIP section.

333
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:39,252
[loudly]
I can't believe the limo driver

334
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:40,587
took that wrong turn,

335
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,155
and that's why we're
late to the game,

336
00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:45,158
and thus, our seats.

337
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,359
You forgot to mention

338
00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:49,229
that we took
thus bus here.

339
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:51,231
The point is,
we made it.

340
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,000
I am back where I belong.

341
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:55,535
Can you just smell
the money down here?

342
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,537
I think that's Gortak's
ball sweat.

343
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,009
Hello, ladies

344
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:04,344
who magically appeared
in the second quarter.

345
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:07,080
Can I see
your tickets?

346
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,150
Oh!

347
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,618
What?

348
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:14,621
These are my tickets
to most places.

349
00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:16,323
Our tickets?
Of course.

350
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,557
Let me just find them
in here.

351
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,459
[buzzer blares]

352
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:20,660
Here they are!

353
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:22,329
Oh, sorry
about the popcorn.

354
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:23,530
I'm used to it.

355
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,999
You rich people
are pigs.

356
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:35,542
Max, I haven't been called
a rich pig in five years!

357
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:39,279
[buzzer blares]

358
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,548
This is pretty cool!

359
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:43,350
I told that
Chinese lady up top

360
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,152
with the backpack
full of loose carrots

361
00:14:45,185 --> 00:14:48,221
I'd be back,
but I don't think so.

362
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:49,422
Oh, my God.

363
00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:51,124
I should totally
Periscope this

364
00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:52,592
so people think
we're big shots.

365
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:55,162
We are so close,

366
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:58,298
I could get my nose
broken by a ball!

367
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:02,102
And I could meet the doctor
who fixes your broken nose!

368
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:06,273
Everything is working out!

369
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,208
Oh, my God.

370
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:11,211
We are in the same row
as Jay-Z and BeyoncГ©!

371
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,412
[gasps]

372
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:14,181
And they brought
Blue Ivy!

373
00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:17,985
I can't believe I'm seeing
our royal family!

374
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:21,388
I can't believe I'm touching
the court with my feet!

375
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:24,191
Maybe I should just drag
my butt across it like a dog.

376
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:25,392
Is that too far?

377
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:26,659
[gasps]
Oh, my God!

378
00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:29,362
BeyoncГ© just made
eye contact with me!

379
00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:31,431
She sees me every time
she looks to the left,

380
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:33,033
to the left.

381
00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:34,367
I should get them
one of our fliers.

382
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:38,105
Luckily, I always keep
an emergency flier.

383
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:39,306
That and a key
to my old house,

384
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:42,142
in case this all
turns out to be a dream.

385
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:44,377
That's my dream too.

386
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,580
Ooh!
Here comes the nanny.

387
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,117
[gasps]
Fran Drescher's here?

388
00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:54,587
No, Blue Ivy's nanny.

389
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,189
I'll get her our flier.

390
00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:59,059
Excuse me, miss,
in the drop-crotch sweatpants!

391
00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:00,260
(Max)
Go, go, go! Ten seconds!

392
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:01,461
Wait! Miss, wait!

393
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:02,729
Can you take this?

394
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:04,231
- Max, she took the--
- Go, go, go!

395
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:05,598
- Oh!
- Ooh!

396
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:09,336
[whistle blasts]

397
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,204
[buzzer blares]

398
00:16:11,238 --> 00:16:13,073
Max, what did you do?

399
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:16,076
I took you to a basketball game
like an idiot!

400
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:19,479
And now I'm about to run.

401
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:22,449
*

402
00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:26,519
*

403
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,255
What is our end game
here, Max?

404
00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:29,789
Are we hiding?
Are we fleeing?

405
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:32,292
I just want to know what
we're ugly-walking toward.

406
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,461
Do I look like a person
with an end game?

407
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,729
Also, ya ended the game.

408
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:39,532
Angry mob aside,
the good news is

409
00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:42,135
I did manage to get that flier
to Blue Ivy's people.

410
00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:44,671
The bad news is you created
the biggest disaster in sports

411
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:47,574
since Magic Johnson's talk show.

412
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:49,042
[indistinct radio chatter]

413
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:50,477
Someone's coming.

414
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,212
Well, you said you wanted
more followers.

415
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:53,380
Now you have them
in real life!

416
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:56,183
[Max gasps]

417
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:59,086
Oh, my God.

418
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:03,090
This is where the 17th best team
in the league gets naked!

419
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:06,393
And also where it ends
for ol' Max and Caroline.

420
00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:07,727
What?
It's not like the players

421
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,596
come right into the locker room
after the game.

422
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:11,398
Oh, my God.

423
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:13,733
The players come right into
the locker room after the game!

424
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,735
Of course we'd be in here.

425
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:17,370
This is so us.

426
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,106
You know what else is so us?

427
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:21,741
Me stealing
one of these jerseys.

428
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:23,743
Let's do the interview
in the locker rooms.

429
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,512
Crap!
They're coming in here.

430
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,514
We can't be
the face of this, Max.

431
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,716
We'll be the most hated
business in Brooklyn.

432
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,718
And I'm including
the new breakfast restaurant

433
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:33,620
with the valet stroller parking.

434
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,325
[Max gasps]

435
00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:40,393
This is where the 17th
best team in the league

436
00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:41,594
goes number one!

437
00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:43,130
And from the looks of it,

438
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:45,498
their aim isn't good
in here, either.

439
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:47,134
Those girls were crazy, man.

440
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,468
They cost us the game.

441
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:50,870
We were almost the 16th
best team in the league.

442
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,406
How did they get
into the VIP section?

443
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,875
I was wondering the same thing
about Tim Allen.

444
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,811
Yo, man, take a look
at this thing on my back.

445
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:00,813
Does it look like cancer?

446
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:02,649
It just seemed like
more than a mole, you know?

447
00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:06,286
Actually, it looks like
a precancerous basal cell.

448
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:09,389
We should get a better look
in the light in the bathroom.

449
00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,890
Here!
Over here.

450
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,292
Get in the ice bathtub.

451
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:13,293
It's big enough for two.

452
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:14,727
"Big enough for two."

453
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:16,429
That's what Chili's said
about their new

454
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:19,399
coconut mozzarella sticks,
but--swing and a miss.

455
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:23,570
You went to Chili's
and didn't tell me?

456
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:26,239
I was afraid you'd try
to get us a better table.

457
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:29,742
Oh, yeah.

458
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,811
I'd definitely get
that thing checked out.

459
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:34,381
Yo, I got to ice
this knee.

460
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:41,754
[both screaming]

461
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:48,595
[both panting]

462
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,731
Of course they'd
pour the ice on us!

463
00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:53,700
And of course
this would happen here,

464
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:57,737
'cause it's the 17th worst thing
that's ever happened to me!

465
00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:02,275
*

466
00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:03,776
[both coughing]

467
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,312
Oh, you two sick?

468
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:07,247
Stay away from me.
I can't get sick.

469
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,482
When you're 78,
it takes about 2 days

470
00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:13,586
to go from sniffles
to being eaten by your cat.

471
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,588
We'll be fine...

472
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:18,891
if half a Tylenol can cure
full-body hypothermia.

473
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,595
Max, I feel like
you're still mad at me

474
00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:24,564
for wanting more for us
than bad seats

475
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,366
and a struggling business.

476
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,767
Of course I'm mad!

477
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,369
I haven't been this cold

478
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,404
since that winter I was on
"Deadliest Catch."

479
00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:34,507
Well...

480
00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:38,311
I've got a waste can
of baby faces I'm not gonna use.

481
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:40,380
Yeah.

482
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:43,783
Turns out, we're not
gonna design our baby anymore.

483
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:46,319
But what about wanting it
to have a delicate chin?

484
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:48,321
And a thigh gap?

485
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,392
You know, girls,
I realized

486
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:54,861
I just want to have
a healthy, happy baby.

487
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:57,830
You know, it's like
my Aunt Ruffa said

488
00:19:57,864 --> 00:20:01,268
after she lost her tongue,
you know...

489
00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:07,240
"Dou det what dou det,
and dou don't det updet."

490
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,878
You know, which roughly
translates to,

491
00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:16,649
"You get what you get,
and you don't get upset."

492
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,653
That's a really mature decision.

493
00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:23,490
The doctor wanted 60 grand.

494
00:20:23,523 --> 00:20:27,494
Yeah,
that affected our decision too.

495
00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:29,429
Well, maybe letting things
happen naturally

496
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:30,630
is the way to go.

497
00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:32,599
Because sometimes
when you force things,

498
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:35,302
you put $130 million worth
of basketball players

499
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:36,769
on the disabled list.

500
00:20:36,803 --> 00:20:41,741
*

501
00:20:44,511 --> 00:20:47,480
[upbeat music]

502
00:20:47,514 --> 00:20:55,455
*